05 December 2010
Throwing Temper Tantrum
I get mad, I get angry for no reason sometimes,I fucked up with some friends,I feel disappointed with myself.All these things make my anger boil to the infinity level. The tantrum won't stop orbiting the rage anger.Not to brag, I think that I can control my anger switch well.it won't turn on automatically without me switch it on myself.I can manage it well.It's not fragile though.What I meant is I don't throw my tantrum to the person I'm pissed off with.I don't do it cos I care about their feeling.Instead,I put it on papers.That's why I write blog.
I write about people around me.How I live and how I feel about them. Don't get mad if I happen to write something about you cos I know you deserve it.I won't write about someone for no reason.They obviously had done something to me until made me fucked up with them.I take them down online.It's my blog after all.None has the right to stop me from penning down anything I want.Oh how Shakespeare I am. I'm gonna stop this crap now.
I'm not throwing my tantrum to anyone cos I'm not mad at them.I'm mad at myself actually.I had done something.Something which made me look like a fool to someone.Something which I was not supposed to commit at the first place.How schmuck I was to do something like that.Yes,I am angry and disappointed with myself,really.Let me get straight.
I had an issue with someone few weeks past.The issue was solved in a good way.we didn't get into a fight or whatever.it was just verbal.i felt bad about that and guilty of cos.then i said sorry to that person.fine,he forgave me.BUT he didn't say it right to my face or text me.Instead,he sent a messenger to impart me the so-called apology message.i was fine with that at first.I felt good after being forgiven and thought he might feel the same.like we were both are now cool.no more strain.that was it,I thought.after a few days,I started to brood over the issue.the apology thingy then doubt came running towards me out of nowhere.one question shot my brooding mind.was he really sincere on giving me his apology?after I explained everything to him.it was like writing an essay.I wholeheartedly and humbly asked for his forgiveness.no,I'm not trying to make a big fuss about this issue again but seriously,I'm not feeling satisfied with everything.
I feel like I'm asking an apology from someone who doesn't deserve it.not even a bit.I mean what the fuck,I was willing to bruise my ego just not to ruin our friendship.but then he made feel this way.what,who am I to him? a dumb ass? a douche bag? if he think that he didn't want to put aside his Himalaya ego,what about mine?It seemed as if I was the only one who to be blamed.It was my whole fault.Fine, I admit that sometimes I can't hold my Eminem mouth.It happened cos of my own mouth.I admitted my mistake already.
You know what,I've had enough.It was all me.everything!I was the one who foolishly asked for fucking forgiveness.I was the one who approached you.I know I am just a loser to you.You only come to me when you need me.I could see it.I know.I made a mistake of being too nice to someone whom I'm not supposed to.It gets me nowhere.it ends up me being a dumb ass. That makes me realized.The whole point is I am mad at myself.I did something which I was not ought to.I should have know it.I regret to ask for forgiveness from a fucking selfish bastard.Now I could see who's friend and who's foe.Never mind,I'm just gonna let this thing slip out of my mind cos I know life is too short to stress myself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in my life.Boo!
Trashed by; Syarifuddin Wan