22 January 2011

My Heart is a Chimera

I can't be perfect in everyone's eyes.That's the holy fact about me.Actually I don't even know why am I writing this.In fact, I don't have any particular thing to scribble.It's just the urge of writing has come uninvited.Words can't just stop lingering in my stuffed mind.Ready to come out while drilling the my head's wall.Ah I screwed up! No matter what, I'm just gonna finish this post in just one shot otherwise it'll just end up being trashed in the draft;left unwritten.

I am no saint.Instead, I am a sinner.I have such a vulnerable heart;fragile.I get mad,easily dictated by forbidden desires.I pet a monster,the ugly one in my heart.A monster which never wanna come out and not even listen to its master.They say we need to listen to your heart as it's the sixth invincible sense in one's life.But heart can be somewhat a cheater to its keeper especially when it comes to doing err a bad deed.I realize my heart is not easy to be tamed.It roars when not getting anything it wants.


I'm trying to turn into a new leaf.But note this,changing doesn't mean I have to be like some ustazs or any religious figures.It is just that I'll try to leave my bad habits.I don't have any extreme bad habits,really.I am just the same as everyone else.I commit sins particularly when it come to solat.Sometimes I got carried away whenever I'm doing stuff I like (shopping,movies etc).I know I'm a bad servant of the Lord.I admit that.That's why I say I wanna change.I'll hit the refresh button every moment.

Age is climbing up the stairs of my life.I wish I had the rewind button to fix all the mistakes I've made.Too bad,I didn't.Life is indeed getting tough as I grow older.I have to deal with more things throughout the life I lead.But, if I am not capable of taming my heart I will surely lose on this battlefield of life.Before I can change myself,I gotta change my heart first.The directory of it.Some modifications are required.I am still searching the tools needed to turn my heart into a good one.I haven't found any so far ;(

Well I think that's enough for the holy confession of mine.I'm signing off.I'll keep taming my heart and I'll let you guys know once I've succeeded haha.Bye!

4 comments:

  1. jihad an-nafs,that is jihad with own self.
    and this is your struggle.
    May Allah leads you till the end of your struggle with heart, my dear friend. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Inshaallah and thanks a lot my dear friend ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Im x perfect too n nobody does xtually.

    ReplyDelete