12 February 2011

Fitting Into the Right Size

I've been emotionally unstable lately.I brood over something insignificant and started to tense up on silly stuff.I don't know what is fucking wrong with me.I'm contented.Stuffing my mind up with bad thoughts and all.Everything all around me is wrong.Sometimes I feel that I'm not being rational over myself.I keep swearing under my breath all the time.

The intention of writing this is to let all my thoughts to flow out. I'm sick of bearing this thing. Being tossed in a new place; a new college is not a good thing for me. I cant still fit myself into this canvas. In fact, I loathe this place.

The truth is I'm lonely here. Like a wandering sinned soul who has not been blessed by God. I'm all alone. I do have friends here,a great ones indeed but it seems that it's not easy for me to hop into their friendship circle. They already have their close friends. Who am I to fit myself into their social box. I'm no one here. They may see that I'm loud outspoken guy from the outside but I just temporarily don that filthy feeling cloth. Deep inside I'm crying and bleeding. Sorrow comes invading uninvited. I'm not ashamed to confess that I always have an emotional talk with my mom. I keep crying whenever I call her. Sometimes I feel that this burden is too much to bear.

Tell me I misjudged but for me my heart never lies.I realized my presence here is not welcomed.I could tell that some of them feel uneasy with me even from my own class.Well do tell me if you despise me.I ain't gonna do anything about it after all.You should realize you're wasting your time talking or thinking of how much you dislike me. I may look like I care. Then again, appearances can be deceiving I'm sorry. The person you are trying to reach is unable to give a fuck right now. Please find someone who cares and try again.

I got my own life.I don't long for someone like them to make you my friend.I have my own friendship preferences. Anyways, life's too short to wake up with regrets.I'll love the people who treat me right and will easily forget the ones who don't.A simple life formula. If they can list the reasons why they loathe me, I still don't give a fuck about that.I will stay be myself and no matter how I feel, I often keep in mind that it is better to be hated for who am I than to be loved for what I am not.

Okay bah! I think I'm done over here.It's not worth thinking about this anymore.Not matter what, life must go on.Life is like a taxi.The meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.


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