20 November 2011

Amplified Silence

My first year of undergraduate studies is finally over.Moving on to the next phase with a new metamorphosis. Tell ya, it wasn't easy. I mean going through the first year. It's not the academics stuffs that make my life hard here but something else.

I've been through pretty messed up situations. To make it worse, with my own course mates. Some of them for sure. God I really hate some of them! while everyone wakes up feeling good to go class, meeting friends etc but I feel the opposite. All I could think was "shit I have to see those faces again today" which pretty much affected me in the class of course. I may act like I don't care but you tell me how long that lasts if you had to face people you loathe practically every single day and week.

To be honest, most of the time, I go to class with very fake feelings and attitudes. I pretend to talk a lot with people, in fact I hate doing that. I hate myself more than I hate everyone else; for being fake. Going to class is really depressing for me.Not because of difficult subjects but  the surrounding people. Look, please don't get the wrong message. I'm not talking in general here. I'm trying to be specific. I mean, I do have good friends among my course mates whom I love to hang out with. I can list them if I want to. they are really awesome and brilliant.

 I don't really wanna talk much. this is only a piece of shit.but what always make my days are my hilarious housemates and my seniors. my housemates are really crazy.cracking jokes that make me burst into laughter all the time. at least I have something that can make me cover my ugly feeling. the best part is I don't have to show fake attitudes and feelings when I'm with them unlike when I'm in lecture hall. anyways, I'm gonna appear much stronger in the future.

I know the title has nothing much to do with the entry but who cares?

p/s: my seniors whom I'm really close with are gonna leave this college soon. gonna miss them so much. I'd really love to write about them soon.

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