You're living in a sea of people yet you always feel like you're like a stranger.never to be noticed or being given attention. you're no one to them. and most of the time you hate yourself. I have a daring confession to make here. It's about living in a place that you can never fit with bunch of people that you can never get along with. if you were in my place you'll know how it feels. I realize I have a lot of haters in this horrible place just because I'm being myself.
I may act like I don't give a shit but honestly, I feel scared. I feel scared because I'm all alone here. truth is I'm still looking for people that I can truly fit with. yeah I know I have very cool housemates and they are really awesome. by fit means those who at least have a few things in common with me.whom probably I can really trust so I can share every single thing with them. so far I find none which leaves me feeling vulnerable filled with loopholes in my heart. even worse when you wake up every morning knowing that you have to face some people that you loathe and really hope they rot in hell.
I'm gonna have to stay here for two more years or so, that leaves me no choice except to try my best or probably pretend to get along with everyone. truth be told, I just wanna be indifferent. neither ignorant nor apathetic but to maintain my callous attitude against the world. do you get what I meant? It simply means I just wanna be myself yet I find it hard to become one here where you'll always be judged by everyone who think they are saint. well fuck you!
This is what I'm gonna do (at least try to) in the next two years. At any rate, I'll never be bothered by the people around me except the very few I find important (call me selfish bastard but i don't care). I believe if one is always acting up on feelings, getting marked up for no particular reason, say, the trivial things, he is bound to get eternally irritated and continue to resent the world, which only robs of you happiness. anyway no matter what I do or become they are gonna judge me anyway so fuck it. I know I'm exaggerating and being emotional but this is how I feel most of the time.
Sigh I think my life is really complicated.my friends told me the reason I feel this way is because of hormonal change as I just turned 21. I don't really believe it but what they told me does makes sense though.argh I don't know what to say about it.one thing I know, life is a bitch but I'll never lose faith for sure. I don't know what I'm talking about but I just feel like talking and sharing.