31 October 2013

Declaration of Perceptions

It's an examination week in college now. Kicked off a day ago (in my case). People finally dig out and realise what they actually learn throughout the semester. Sometimes I question myself, why does this thing happen? Who or what do we blame? Is it because the system implemented steers students to act and yield themselves to such behaviour? It's a question that only oneself can answer. I too have been asking myself with the exact same question albeit no apparent answer surfaces to suffice the curiosity (so far). Are we too bound to the exam oriented system where we only revise at the very last minute and are proud of doing so because no matter how late we revise we are able to scribble the answers anyway? I'll just leave the question unanswered, unscripted because this just my own perception of how I see myself studying and struggling to compete like a mad to just be bogus-ly branded intelligent based on the grades achieved. What an overwhelming misconception. I personally think we're so concerned with failure and success like these two things are all that's going to sum you up at the end. Never mind this adamant policy. We seem to be too dependent on this thing. Who are we to alter the world, anyway? Quite a lengthy narration for an introduction. Moving on.

This is not actually what I intent to write. I reckon it happens because I'm letting my thoughts to flow out too freely this time hence a narration scripted. I'm attempting to associate the thoughts above with my family's attitude towards me being a student. It's been going on since I was in alma mater but only now I realise this. It's quite appalling to think of or perhaps it's just bizarre. I really don't know what to think, honestly. I'll hit straight to the point. My family doesn't seem to bother much of how I'm actually doing in college. Obviously, back in high school years I could sense terrific bullets of lectures coming on every time I returned home on semester holidays because more often than not my results were extremely terrible. It was horrifying to some extent but it just ended with a nag and then it ended there. No additional prologue to the episode. Lawyered to an undisclosed issue (heh). But now everything is dissimilar. No one bothers or ever asked how many A's I obtain every semester. Not that I fond of broadcasting my life's update to anyone in the family anyway. So college isn't a topic of interest at home. So no more extradition on semester break at home (bliss). 

Frankly, such an attitude frustrates me occasionally but it's not a bad thing somewhat. They are still my family nevertheless. If I was rebellious I'd absolutely think of flunking myself but I won't do it because it would the loss on my own side. Whom am I kidding? So I still bring myself to this life as a college student and sit for exams like any other people do. I like to trick my mind to believe that my family still subtly care about me although it seems unappealing. It's probably the nuance of the family which I have yet to comprehend and utilise my mind to such thing. I shall not resent them for their attitude is against what I have mentally sketched. Rather, I shall be grateful that my conscience doesn't seem to fool me into trashing my own life. I should perform well in academic career as it's the only thing that I've got left to make me realise who I really am. I'm going to make myself proud. So far, I still maintain a decent academic record so yeah that's a good thing I suppose. I can't wait to graduate. So long.

My playlist is rather trashy these days. I shall tune to fresher vibes soon.

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